


a typical bikini bottom day

by georgiehensley



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon), The SpongeBob Musical - Various/Anthony & Coulton/Jarrow
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coffee Shops, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Hugs, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Male Friendship, Multi, Neighbors, Play Fighting, Polyamory Negotiations, Pre-Poly, Pre-Slash, Reunions, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-02-18 06:32:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13094427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgiehensley/pseuds/georgiehensley
Summary: various fics and prompt fills for the spongebob musical.





	1. complaining together - squidward & phil

**Author's Note:**

> the tag doesn't have enough proper fics in it, so i decided to post what i've written so far here on ao3. all of these have already been posted over on my fic blog, [hensleywrites](http://hensleywrites.tumblr.com).
> 
> some of these will be crossovers with other musical fandoms, like _groundhog day_ and _newsies_. i don't really wanna put the shows in the fandom tags bc these are primarily sb fics, but i will if anyone wants me too.
> 
> one last note: being that these are human aus, and "spongebob" and "squidward" aren't exactly human names, i'll be using "robert" and "edward" instead, just so these are a little more... realistic.

“do you ever feel… ignored?” edward asks, placing his coffee mug back down after taking a sip, sigh escaping him. “like no one admires anything you contribute to society?” phil huffs out a laugh.

“all the time,” he says, taking a sip from his own drink. “last week, some guy put out a review of my show - like people actually review the news broadcasts,  _pfft_ \- and he completely trashed it! he said i seemed ‘full of myself’.” he shakes his head. “what an ass.”

“unbelievable,” edward says. “and back home, _no one_  - absolutely no one - cares to hear me show off my clarinet playing. they just don’t have an appreciation for the classics. everything is ‘rock and roll’ and ‘pop’.” he rolls his eyes. “tasteless jerks.”

“ _you_  like my broadcasts, right?” phil says, having completely missed edward’s previous spiel. “you think they're… good?”

“yeah,” edward says with a shrug. “you have a lot of… character.” phil sighs.

“great,” he says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “what could i possibly do now to make it better?” he sighs a second time, looking at his half-empty mug. no longer feeling thirsty, he stands, heading back to spill his drink out and put the mug away. in his haze, he fails to see the woman heading towards him.

“whoa,” he says, stumbling to keep the coffee from spilling all over her. he does so successfully, even if he nearly falls flat on his face himself. he smiles sheepishly at her. “sorry.”

“it’s okay,” she says, sending him a friendly smile, and phil feels his breath hitch as he notices the way her dark cheeks turn pink, eyes nearly sparkling from the light shining in from the windows. she clears her throat to bring him back to reality, and he apologizes again before heading off, though unable to stop thinking about her, even when she’s gone.

meanwhile, edward lets out a sigh, taking his phone out of his pocket and fiddling with it. he comes across a text from his neighbor robert, who wishes him a good day in the city with about ten exclamation points and four smiley faces, but edward doesn’t mind. robert’s constant optimism was always something he admired. the message leaves him smiling, to the point where he hardly notices phil returning to the table.

“is that your new girlfriend?” phil asks with a smirk. edward suddenly snaps back to the present.

“what? no,” he says, putting his phone away. “it’s just a friend.”

“mmhmm,” phil says, raising an eyebrow. edward blushes, attempting to hide it beneath another sip of his drink.


	2. caught - pre-squidward/spongebob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a follow-up to the first chapter, but can also stand alone. 
> 
> also, this was written before the official sb transfer to broadway (as are most of the fics here, actually), so spongebob's (robert's) referred to as a blond because of the [yellow wig](http://static.playbill.com/dims4/default/7916f30/2147483647/crop/3139x1767%2B0%2B0/resize/970x546/quality/90/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.playbill.com%2F2f%2Fb4%2F762e7167421d95d2a9b0b11fe0f7%2Fspongebob-chicago-hero-0002.jpg) ethan sported in chicago.

when edward returns to his apartment that evening, he sighs, nearly collapsing atop his couch, utterly drained from his day spent in the city.  _i am_ not _cut out for that lifestyle_ , he thinks. just as his eyes fall shut and he begins to feel at peace, he suddenly hears a noise from next store, and -  _is that music?_

“robert,” edward mutters under his breath, forcing himself to stand despite his body’s protesting, flinging his own door open before heading to the one next to it. he lifts his hand to knock, but finds it open a crack, instead settling on pushing it open.

“robert, how many times do i have to tell you to keep it--?” he begins to say, only to lose all track of thought when he takes in the sight of his neighbor, standing there with nothing but a bright yellow towel around his waist, hairbrush in hand. his phone sits on the table in front of him, plugged into a speaker, playing some top 40 pop song that edward wishes he didn't know the name of. it's then that he realizes the noise was robert himself, singing along to the music while he brushed his hair through after his shower. and oh, yes, he showered, his unnaturally blond hair is soaking wet and dripping water onto his bare chest, and those water droplets keep moving down and  _breathe, edward, breathe--_

he’s brought back to reality when robert lets out a nervous giggle, rubbing the back of his neck.

“sorry, eddie,” he says sheepishly. “i didn't know you were home. i’ll try to keep it down.”

“uh, yeah,” edward says, face suddenly too hot. “th-thanks.” he's frozen for a few more moments, but then robert sends him a friendly smile, and edward realizes he's been standing there too long, saying nothing else as he shuts the door behind him. once it's closed, he covers his face, softly groaning just after he hears the music back on again. _pull yourself together, edward. that was way too close._


	3. polyam negotiations - spongebob & squidward, pre-sandy/spongebob/patrick/squidward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (everything from now on is not connected to the first chapter unless otherwise stated)

“hey, eddie!” robert says with a grin when his neighbor answers the door. edward just glares at him.

“go away, robert,” he says sternly, already moving to shut the door.

“wait!” robert says, sticking a hand out, preventing the door from closing fully. edward sighs, pulling it back open. “i was just wondering if you wanted to come out with us tomorrow night? sandy, patrick, and i are getting dinner and seeing a movie - it’s a new mermaid man one where he and barnacle boy fight this giant sea monster and--”

“i’m not interested,” edward says, cutting him off.

“oh, but won’t you just be stuck inside, all alone?” robert asks. edward tries to suppress his shudder at the use of the word ‘alone’. “why not be with us? have some company?”

“aren’t you three a, you know,” edward says, gesturing vaguely with his hands before settling on saying, “an  _item_?”

“well, yeah,” robert says. “but that’s why we wanted you to come with. we thought you were feeling left out, so we just wanted to include you--”

“no, thanks,” edward says. “i’d rather not be a fourth wheel to your little  _date_.” robert frowns.

“you wouldn’t be.” he says softly. edward blinks.

“what was that?”

“i said, you wouldn’t be,” robert says, shutting his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath, before opening them again and asking, “edward, would you go on a date with  _us_?” edward gapes at him.

“really?” he asks, wondering if he heard wrong. “you want  _me_  to--to be with... all of you?” robert smiles, nodding eagerly.

“yeah!” he says. “sandy’s told me how you two are getting along more lately, and patrick says you haven’t snapped at him in almost a week! and i--” he ducks his head, blushing. “i’ve had a crush on you for a while now, eddie. so, what do you say? will you come out with us?” a smile slowly starts to spread on edward’s face.

“it would be my pleasure to join you three for dinner and a movie tomorrow night,” he says. robert grins, practically jumping with joy.

“oh, boy!” he says, taking edward by surprise and nearly attacking him with a hug. edward can’t help but hug him back, even if robert pulls back just a moment later. “we’ll pick you up at 7?”

“sounds good with me,” edward says. robert only beams at him.

“yay!” he says. “see you tomorrow night!”

“goodbye, robert,” edward says, still smiling even as he closes the door.

once he’s alone again, robert quickly grabs his cell phone, dialing a familiar number.

“sandy, hi!” he says. “call the restaurant and change the reservation from three to four - eddie’s joining us for dinner!

“oh, and we need to get a fourth ticket too.”


	4. playing around - spongebob/squidward, jack/crutchie, implied sandy/spongebob/patrick/squidward & jack/crutchie/davey/katherine

“hey, eddie!”

edward briefly lifts his gaze from where he sits on the patio, reading the newspaper. robert stands in front of him, grinning, eyes shining just as brightly as the sun. a brief echo of his words has edward shifting his gaze just a bit, only to find robert’s newest pal charlie (crutchie, he insists everyone call him, but edward just finds that  _offensive_ ) hanging onto him, clearly getting a piggyback from the strong, able-bodied blond. edward fights the urge to smile, only huffing out some grunt of approval, before the two are off again, robert jokingly running through the backyard with char-- _crutchie_  on his back.

“hey, grumpy cat,” edward hears just as he returns to his reading. he opens his mouth to make a comment, especially as he hears the scrape of the chair across from him sliding across the pavement, only to stop when he realizes it’s jack sitting down across from him at the table, knowing better than snap at the king of comebacks.

“hello,” he says simply, glancing back down at his paper. he hears jack huff out a soft laugh.

“you know, there’s a much better view out here than the ink that’s on your paper.”

“if you think i’m going to stare at your boyfriend’s backside while he hitches a ride on  _my_  boyfriend’s shoulders, you’re ins--”

“i wasn’t talking about that,” jack says. edward glances up at him and simply raises an eyebrow, while jack just nods in the direction of their boyfriends, turning his own head to look at them. edward follows his gaze, only to find the two now settling down on the grass, chests rising and falling more quickly due to their shortened breaths. crutchie says something funny, and when robert laughs, he joins in, an act that quickly grows in intensity as robert starts clutching his stomach, falling back against the soft grass. when they calm down, robert remains on the ground, while crutchie glances back towards the patio, waving at jack. jack smiles and waves back, while edward bites his lip.

“hey, you can act like a man in love, no one’s going to judge you here, trust me,” jack says, turning his head towards edward. the teal-haired man just shakes his head.

“that’s a sight that only my partners are allowed to see,” he says, and jack lets the topic go.

* * *

 

it’s a short while later before robert and crutchie are returning to the patio, with crutchie once again hitching a ride on the other’s back.

“package delivery for mr. jack kelly,” robert says with a grin as he lets crutchie down, who almost immediately settles into jack’s lap. jack says nothing in response to this public display of affection, simply smiling fondly and wrapping his arms around the blond’s waist.

“hiya, jackie,” crutchie says with a smile.

“hey, crutchie,” jack says. “you cool stayin’ here a little while longer? patrick and davey bought stuff for a cookout.”

“i’d love that,” crutchie says with a grin. jack just laughs softly.

meanwhile, robert patiently stands in front of edward, who’s now sat reading the job ads section of his newspaper.

“waiting for an invitation?” edward says with a sigh.

“no,” robert says. “waiting for permission.”

“to do what?”

“this.”

and suddenly edward’s gaze is forced off of his newspaper as his head is turned, lips suddenly occupied as robert kisses him, right there in front of their friends. jack wolf-whistles while crutchie giggles. robert pulls away just a few moments later, leaving edward to blink a few times before stuttering out, “w-w-what was  _that_  for?”

“nothing,” robert says with an innocent shrug. “just felt like kissing you. don’t get to do it often enough.”

“you get to do it plenty,” edward mutters softly, which jack overhears and laughs at. edward glares at him.

“may i?” robert asks, gesturing vaguely to edward’s lap.

“no,” edward snaps back. robert pouts, bottom lip stuck out while batting his eyelashes, and edward sighs, finally folding up his newspaper and putting it down on the table.

“oh, alright,” he says, and robert grins, eagerly plopping himself down in his boyfriend’s lap. edward groans softly at the sudden weight, but robert pays him little mind.

“don’t we have the best boyfriends?” crutchie asks with a smile.

“yeah, we do,” robert agrees, glancing down at edward, who turns his head to hide his blush. robert only laughs, ducking down to kiss one of his blushing cheeks.

(it doesn’t exactly help to get rid of the redness, but for once, edward doesn’t think he minds all that much.)


	5. morning fluff - spongebob/crutchie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some background: my friend loren and i talked a bit about how akb would be a good eventual replacement for ethan in the musical bc he has a very spongebob-y vibe about him in some of his performances ([this one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QpvZRH6oNo) especially). then i made [link this post](http://richardhblakes.tumblr.com/post/165377790399/my-aesthetic-cinnamon-roll-musical-faves-hiding) about the two of them being cuties who are secretly buff, and it just kinda became a ship. she drew art, and i started writing fic. and thus, crutchbob was born! (yeah, it even has a name)

sunlight streams in through the windows of the bedroom that morning as crutchie slowly wakes up, tiredly attempting to rub the sleep out of his heavy eyes as he adjusts to the brightness of the room. he feels himself suddenly hit with the urge to yawn, stretching while he does so, the slightest squeak escaping him in the process. embarrassed - and panicked at making a noise - he quickly brings a hand up to cover his mouth, but when he hears soft giggling from his bed partner, he realizes he’s been caught.

“please pretend that never happened,” he says. his partner only giggles even more.

“it was cute,” they say, lightly tapping crutchie on the nose. the blond scrunches his face in response, turning his head to look at them.

“it was embarrassing, bobby,” he says. “that’s what it was.” the redhead only grins cheekily.

“it’s not like i haven’t heard similar noises coming from you before,” he says. crutchie snorts, lazily swatting him on the arm.

“enough,” he says. robert smiles.

“is now the appropriate time to wish you a good morning?” he asks. crutchie huffs out a laugh.

“sure, why not?”

robert grins. “good morning, gorgeous.”

crutchie shifts to try and hide his growing blush in his pillow. “’morning, handsome.”

“aw, come on,” robert says, giving crutchie a light shove. “you can do better than that.” crutchie sighs, turning his head so he can speak more clearly.

“good morning, prettiest ginger i know,” he says with little emotion. robert only smiles again.

“much better,” he says. crutchie snorts.

“unbelievable.”

“love you.”

“mmhmm.”

robert’s eyes narrow, and all of a sudden crutchie finds his wrists pinned to the bed, the redhead now on top of him, straddling his waist.

“say it,” robert says, trying to sound serious, though unable to contain his teasing smile.

“no.”

“say it.”

“you can’t make me!”

“ _say it._ ”

“fuck off,” crutchie says. robert stifles a laugh. crutchie sighs, before giving in, “love you too.”

“thank you,” robert singsongs, pecking crutchie on the cheek before climbing off of him and lying back against the mattress.

“hey! all that for a kiss on the cheek?”

robert rolls his eyes, but leans over nonetheless, cupping crutchie’s face with one hand before kissing him softly on the lips.

“happy now?”

“mmhmm.”

they’re silent for a moment, before crutchie speaks again.

“we’re a weird couple.”

robert huffs out a laugh. “we sure are.”

“in, like, a good way, right?”

“in the best way.”

crutchie smiles.


	6. hugs - spongebob & squidward

“what are you doing?”

robert giggles as he stands with his arms wrapped around edward, cheek pressed against his arm. “nothing.”

“you’re squeezing me with your body.”

“it’s called a hug.”

“oh,” is all edward says in response. after a moment, he sighs.

“how long do these things go on for?”

“as long as you want them to.”

“well, i, um, i don’t exactly like physical contact.”

“oh,” robert says, smile falling as he pulls away, turning to head out of the room. before he can, though, edward reaches out and grabs onto his wrist, pulling him back. robert nearly trips over his own two feet in the process.

“for you, i can make an exception,” edward says, and robert’s smile is back. giddily, he hugs edward full-on this time, face pressed against his chest, arms wrapped snuggly around his waist. at first, edward winces, still adverse to having someone besides himself touching him. but he quickly gives in to it, loosely wrapping his own arms around robert, returning the embrace. he swears he can  _feel_  robert’s smile grow just a little more in response.


	7. left out - sandy/spongebob/patrick

it’s not easy accepting a third party into your relationship. patrick initially thought he’d be fine with it - he likes sandy enough, and he knows robert  _really_  likes sandy, so he agreed to it.

he just didn’t think it’d be so  _hard_.

robert always tries to make sure everyone’s included, be it via three-way dates, or just holding both of his partners’ hands while they walk around, outside, shopping, or whatnot.

but it’s the moments where he and sandy are off in their own world that bother patrick the most.

like, when the three had a movie night at patrick’s house. they were all sat together on the couch - patrick on one end, robert next to him, and sandy on his other side. robert was sat snug against patrick, but sandy was leaning against the ginger, head pillowed against his shoulder, arm wrapped around his waist. robert’s arm was wrapped around her shoulders, as if to pull her closer. meanwhile, patrick was just sat on his own, too distracted by what was going on next to him to watch the cartoon sea creatures and their latest shenanigans.

despite his jealousy, he kept his mouth shut.

or another time, when the annual fair was in town. sandy was playing a basketball game, the one where you have to make a basket in a(n oval-shaped) hoop. she struggled to do so the first two times, even with robert and patrick encouraging her, but on her third and final try, she did it, the ball going right into the hoop, hardly hitting the rim. sandy jumped in excitement, as did robert and patrick. only, when sandy turned to celebrate with the others, she only hugged robert, kissing him on the cheek and thanking him for his help. he beamed at her, and patrick was left to feel like the third wheel. even when sandy went to pick her prize, she only took robert’s suggestion. the rest of the night, patrick walked just a few paces behind them.

he still swears they didn’t even  _notice_.

“they probably do still care about you,” edward says with a sigh when patrick goes to him to vent, and receive some advice. “you just have to be honest with them about how you feel.”

“yeah, and where will that get me?” patrick says back. edward looks right at him.

“hopefully? happier. and out of my apartment.”

so, patrick does take edward’s advice. he invites robert and sandy over one night, ordering in for them, only to pull them into the living room to talk after they’ve finished eating.

“guys, i… i don’t know where i fit into all of this,” he says, gesturing vaguely to the three of them. 

“what do you mean, patrick?” robert asks. “you’re our boyfriend.”

“am i? because it sure feels like it’s just you two dating, and i’m left to be the third wheel - a useless one, not like on a tricycle.”

“oh, pat, i’m sorry,” sandy says, leaning over robert to take one of patrick’s hands in hers. “i guess i was just so distracted by keepin’ up my relationship with bobby, that i kinda forgot about you. i do love you too, you know. i guess it’s just hard remembering that sometimes.”

“you do?” patrick asks, eyebrows raised in surprise. sandy smiles.

“of course!” she says. “i love both of y’all. we’re a team, remember?”

“yeah, team of tres!” robert adds. “and i’m sorry too - i should have realized sooner that you were feeling left out. i guess i’m just new to this whole polyamory thing, so i have to figure some things out.”

“aw, it’s okay,” patrick says.

“you sure?” sandy asks. “‘cause you seemed pretty upset when you called us over–”

“yeah, it’s fine,” patrick says. “as long as you guys promise to make up for it now.” robert and sandy share a glance, before both of them smile.

“we promise,” they say in unison. patrick smiles.

“good,” he says. robert grins and throws his arms around him. sandy giggles and reaches across him to join in the hug. patrick blushes but hugs them back.

“we love you, patrick!” robert says. “and don’t you forget it!” patrick smiles.

“i won’t. and i love you guys too.”


	8. reunited - pre-squidward/squilliam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first i should preface this by saying that i've had this fancast for a little while - i guess shortly after starting to watch _sherlock_ \- of benedict cumberbatch in the role of squilliam in the universe of this show. i just think it'd be a nice fit, 'cause he looks the part and i'd love to see his british squilliam paired with a more british squidward (because gavin is actually british, of course).
> 
> feel free to ignore my fancast though and picture him however you want. i know ben isn't exactly everyone's cup of tea.
> 
> as with the other fics here, more human-like names are substituted in. therefore, squilliam = william. (ta-da?)

“edward,” william says in greeting to his once friend and college roommate. “you’re looking... well.”

“william,” edward says, almost mocking him. he pauses a moment, looking over the other man, noticing his dimples, cropped dark, wavy hair, and bright, white smile. he tries to force his heart to stop beating so fast. “you look... better.” william laughs, and edward’s heart flutters against his wishes.  _goddam--_

“it was nice to see you again,” william says, starting to walk away, pushing his cart of groceries along. “perhaps we should meet properly sometime and catch up on things since we last saw each other.”

“yeah,” edward says, gulping as he thinks about the fact that he lives in a one-bedroom apartment between two childish neighbors, and works at a four-star fast food restaurant for the greediest man he knows. “sounds... great.”

“wonderful,” william says, smiling again. edward feels himself blush. “i’ll call you. wait, what’s your number again?” edward bites his lip as william fishes out his phone, before reluctantly giving it to him.

“excellent,” william says, putting his phone away. “it was lovely to see you again.”

“yeah, same here,” edward says, standing for a moment to watch william walk away. once he’s out of earshot, he sighs, turning and pushing his own cart in the opposite direction, hoping he didn’t just make a fool out of himself in front of his former - well, apparently still current - crush.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to leave me prompts in the comments or [here](http://hensleywrites.tumblr.com/ask) (on my fic blog).


End file.
